Friday, January 2, 2009

No Bourdain, No Gain

Most people, if granted one wish would ask for world peace or to meet Jesus. Important stuff like that. We wish we could be friends with Anthony Bourdain. Close personal friends. Like a trio of best friends.

He is totally our kind of guy. His show "No Reservations" starts broadcasting new episodes on January 5th and they look tremendous. Not sure if you have seen it, but you should.

On the show, AB basically eats his way across the globe. Sometimes he eats gross stuff, but usually he gets in a few phenomenal meals per location. (One thing we already have in common.) The episode filmed in Colombia, is nearly poetic.

We’d become fast friends with Anthony Bourdain. Since he is already a celebrity, we would have to work extra hard to keep it that way. We would begin what would best be described as a charm offensive, something that we have proven surprisingly adept at. (Those people at Lennys would take a bullet for either of us.)

Laughing at his jokes, disarming him with stories of our own eating exploits, basically kissing his butt all for the single goal of two seats on his traveling dining room in the sky.

Why are we so confident that this would happen? Easy. We are very likable people. Or so we hear. Life of the party, delightful dinner companions, basically, two valuable additions to any kind of event where eating happens.

Personality, looks, smarts. Humility. We’re like an instant entourage that any famous chef would be proud to call his or her own. (We’re first-come, first-served, Giada, in case you were wondering.)

Our lives would be instantly transformed and we are not referring to the combined 75 pounds we would pack on in the first six months.

He would be the tour guide, as we traveled the world. He’d sample the monkey brains, we’d eat the lamb tikka. He would take down some lemur lasagna, we’d have the lamb chops until the seams in our jumpsuits made us stop. We would laugh and joke the three of us, and it wouldn’t be at all weird because we would be too busy tasting to have any awkward conversations. Oh man, it would be too good for words, beyond this one: yum.

By the way, we hope you have a wonderful 2009. You are so very important to us.

See? Our charm offensive is a thing of beauty, isn’t it?

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