Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Natural Order of Things

This is a promise. You pick the cuisine. You pick the restaurant. We will order you under the goddamn table. We will order so much, the waiter will try and stop us. So much that our dinner companions will flee. And the owner will call our families to help stage an intervention.

Though there are only two of us, we are like the eater version of those Spartans in 300: outmanned and outgunned, but never outchewed. Never that.

Here's how it will work: We will order appetizers, and then we will order some side dishes as appetizers, and then we may order some appetizers to arrive before the actual appetizer course. In other words, we will invent a course. You might call them pre-appetizers. The cheese course doesn't really count because it will last about twelve seconds.

Then, if you make the mistake of choosing Italian, we will order a pasta course. And, why yes, we would like the tri-color salad with Gorgonzola, thank you for asking. After the main courses, and copious side dishes, we will take it easy on dessert. And order a cookie plate and cappuccinos, while we take it easy. Then we will order dessert and take that down like a cobra on a mongoose.

Sounds like bragging? Go ahead and try us.

We're begging you.

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